damn...

i fucked up again. and i didn't even do anything that's the worst part. i hate that i upset you and it sucks that its mostly about the past... i wish i could just erase half the stuff but then again i'm not perfect, no one is... its just something i will have to live with and hopefully we can work through because it's not going to go away. makes me wish that that stuff from eternal sunshine did exist. there are a lot of things id erase and that i hope we could erase together... all the bullshit that gets in the way of us being happy... it would be so nice just to let it go and just to see things for what they are right now. of course things don't work like that... that's part of the beauty of life i suppose. to find someone who accepts every bit of you and forgives your flaws. i just hope that's how it goes for us because i cant imagine being with anyone else... none the less, i'm sorry for the shitty things i've done in the past... i just hope we can work through it.

one of the hardest things...

is knowing no matter what you do you have no control over a situation. no matter what you say it wont do any good. it all relies on the thoughts of the other person, and that is it, there is nothing i can do to change it. i can only hope for the best. hope that the truth is acknowledged and keep wishing for the best. it is one of the hardest things to know that something you want so bad may never work because of what someone else believes. makes me wish it was easier to let the past go.